Daddy

We were scheduled to go home to the province on the last week-end of August. However, I was hesitating if we would push through because two years ago, we were stranded when our place was suddenly flooded overnight.

Daddy was confined in the hospital on Wednesday, August 23. Mommy said that he was feeling weak because he was unable to sleep the previous two nights. We had a group video call that night and I saw Daddy sitting on a monobloc chair in the hospital, hooked up to a dextrose, eating dinner. I thought he was just regaining strength in the hospital.

The next day, Thursday, I texted him and asked him how he was but he did not reply. Mommy texted me that he has been transferred to the Coronary Care Unit and was just regaining strength until we bring him to the Philippine Heart Center for an angiogram. At that moment, I was still made to believe that he was okay. That he was just weak.

We decided to go home that Friday instead of Saturday. However, it was the day that typhoon Jolina made landfall, it was raining so hard it was zero visibility when we traversed NLEX. We arrived in the hospital at 8:00 P.M. I was angry because Daddy was confined in the public hospital of the city and I wanted to transfer him to a private hospital immediately. However, Mommy told me that he was not stable. When I saw Daddy in the CCU, both of his hands had IVs and he was intubated so he could not speak. But when I gripped his arm, he gripped back my arm tightly. He even made a P sign asking for Pio but children were not allowed inside the CCU. He pointed at the IV lines connected to him. He gestured that he was feeling hot and to massage his right shoulder. However, as we did not have dinner yet and visitors were not allowed to stay long in the CCU, we went home. Mommy stayed in Daddy's room aside from the CCU.

The next morning, my two other siblings arrived. They were supposed to sleep first before going to the hospital when one of my sisters told me that the cardiologist wanted to talk to us. We had just eaten breakfast but have not taken a bath. I was confused. Cardiologist? The only illnesses of Daddy that we were aware of was that he had kidney stones and he often complained of his acid reflux.

The cardiologist gathered us and told us that Daddy could go anytime. I was shocked. Daddy went for regular check-ups and laboratory exams and he always told me that he was okay. I was however pushing him to get a colonoscopy/endoscopy because of his acid reflux but he always said "Next time na lang." The cardiologist told us that at that time, Daddy's heart was at 20% efficiency and his lungs had fluid. They were giving him diuretics but he was not peeing much.

My siblings and I took turns going inside the CCU. Daddy's blood pressure was in the 50s. The nephrologist took me and my brother aside and told us that if his BP improved, we should transfer him to a private hospital and undergo dialysis.

At around lunch time, I was about to send off P to go home with his ates when my sister called me. When I entered the CCU, I saw the nurses pumping Daddy's chest. He had flatlined at 12:17 P.M. He was declared dead at 12:45 P.M.

And just like that, I lost my Daddy.

We had no idea that he had a heart disease. I personally registered his Death Certificate at the Local Civil Registrar to expedite it because I had to send it to my sister abroad and I was shocked to see that his cause of death was "cardiogenic shock secondary to acute coronary syndrome NSTEMI".  It was only then that it dawned on me that he had a heart attack. All along in the hospital, I was made to believe that he was just weak. 

I looked through his previous text messages to me and he underwent a check-up just last July 21 and he replied to me "ECG ok no blockade BP normal 120/80".

Days after, doctor friends told me that acid reflux was actually a symptom of a heart disease. But how come in all of his check-ups, no one told my Daddy to have his heart checked?

Actually, a week before that, he wanted an executive check-up done in Manila and I scheduled him in Medical City on September 9. But he died on August 26 and was buried on September 7.

The next days were a blur. My sister abroad had to get a special permit to travel back to the country and we waited for her. The wake went on for 10 days. It was raining on and off then but it was sunny and bright when we buried Daddy.

I cry every day. The worst times are before I sleep and upon waking up. Sometimes, I get the urge to text him and then I remember he's gone. But since Daddy has always been quiet, I sometimes feel that he is just in his law office or inside their room reading or watching TV.

So many people came to his wake and his burial. They all spoke of his humility, his kindness, his patience, his humor.

Daddy always had a big heart but in the end, his heart failed to keep up with him.