It's no secret that we've been trying
to have a baby for years. When we finally confirmed that we've
successfully conceived, I busted out the blessed hashtag. Thus, I was
expecting rainbows and butterflies and confetti when I give birth.
But no. Even without consulting a
doctor, I knew I suffered post-partum depression. I was tired,
sleep-deprived and crying all the time. The day after I gave birth, I
learned that my prospective employer after my leave decided not to
honor our agreement so I was going to be jobless. The yaya left two
weeks after. I wanted someone, anyone, to take care of me but
everyone was unavailable. However, I was expected to take care of this
little baby.
Do not be confused, I love my baby as
soon as we met him. But as it is with PPD, or more probably the sleep
deprivation, I had the craziest thoughts.
People told me it will get better, that it's all
gonna be worth it.
So I kept waiting.
I got a job a month before my maternity
leave expired. This made me more stressed but I think it also helped
me a little that I was out of the house. As soon as I get home from
work, I would take a shower, scarf down dinner and take care of the
baby until the next morning. On weekends, I'm on full time mommy mode.
Yesterday, we finally witnessed the
“it's-gonna-be-worth-it” part. While I was inside the grocery,
baby was with hubby who was meeting a customer. Hubby said that after
the transaction, P suddenly launched an all-out crying fit. He
prepared a bottle but P was still crying. So I went out of the
grocery before paying to see what was wrong. After feeding, I carried
P in the burp position and we went back inside the grocery. While waiting in line hubby was telling me
that while P was crying in his stroller, he was kicking so hard that
he was sliding down the seat. Then suddenly, P GIGGLED. And then
giggled again. I motioned hubby to take out his phone and we managed
to record the third, albeit shorter, giggle.
I'm so happy we were there to witness
that. I hope that even if I'm a working mommy, I will get to witness all his
other firsts, all the other “it's gonna be worth it” moments.
