40

I turned 40 at the beginning of the year. I consider it as a sort of blessing (for lack of a better word) that the lockdown occurred early last year that I have not yet even begun thinking planning for my 40th birthday. I don’t usually celebrate my birthdays in a grand way, since it’s so close to New Year’s, we just lump my birthday feast with New Year’s Day lunch or dinner. I just thought though that turning 40 entailed a grand celebration, but Covid-19 shot all plans to hell.

Whereas I usually celebrated with family and friends, this year’s celebration was much much more quiet because we were unable to go home to the province. We’ve also chosen not to meet up with friends for the meantime. So we just had lunch with my SIL and nephew, sans yayas who were on extended Christmas vacation (buti pa sila).

 One thing about being older is better spending power. I gifted myself with a pre-loved Louis Vuitton Saleya bag. It’s my first one. When hubby asked me what I wanted, I forwarded to him a photo of a Louis Vuitton monogram Victorine wallet. He bought it and even added an Alma BB bag (surprise Neverfull sana but he saw my Saleya and I said I don’t like bags without zippers). From zero LVs to three real quick kung kelan nowhere to go and scary to sanitize luxury items LOL. I really want to use them though because YOLO but still researching how to safely sanitize them.

 Downside naman is that I get tired more easily. I don’t take the elevator to my 4th floor office and I am out of breath when I arrive - or it could be due to the face shield and mask combo. I get lower back aches from time to time that I really miss our weekly home service massages, sob.

 One of my wishes is that Covid be gone really soon so I can relish how life begins at 40. #

Looking Forward to 2018

I am hardly an optimistic person and there are still two weeks left but I am looking forward to 2018. 2017 is my annus horribilis: with major surgery and a cancer scare and consecutive deaths of my Daddy and Lola. I guess it’s like that saying, there’s no other way but up, so I’m wishing, kinda expecting, that 2018 will be better.

Since my Daddy died, I noticed that I let go in dealing with my clutter. I guess it’s a reflection of what I feel: chaotic and wallowing. So next year, I hope to declutter, declutter, declutter. My word for 2018 is SIMPLIFY.

And, I’m putting this out to the Universe: I want to get pregnant in 2018. So help me God.

On Planners

I can't believe it's already July! Half of the year is over. By the way, Happy Fourth of July!

Have you noticed the influx of creative planners lately? Heard of bullet journaling? End of last year, I wanted to jump into the planner frenzy. I wanted to get a kikki.K or a Midori or a Filofax, fill it with stickers and accessorize with washi tapes and clips and charms. As usual, I tend to overthink these things and the cost (this stuff is pricey once you add them up!), so I ended up getting none of the above. I just bought a small Belle Du Jour planner that I can carry to the office and a slightly larger Typo one for more thoughts. 

The initial plan was to jot bullet points in my Belle Du Jour planner during the day then take a few minutes at night reflecting on my Typo planner. Ha! For most days, I manage to write bullet points but it'd take days before I started writing on my Typo one. Lately, I've been unable to write on both real-time, so I had to consult my phone photos what happened on that day, hahaha. (Funnily, I'm shocked that I eat at Ramen Nagi with my office mates that much!!!)

Last night, I was updating my Typo planner and I was amazed that I managed to write until July. Pre-baby, my planner writing tends to taper off before mid-year. It made me think tuloy if my life was really boring back then. Ironically, I had more of a social life back then. I guess being a first-time mommy to a kulit toddler and having househelp provide more fodder for my planner, haha. 

Mommy Me-Time

I used to find it odd when mommies emphasize the need for "me-time." I mean, babies are the best and sweetest and the cutest and how hard can it be to take care of a teeny tiny creature?

And here I am, thinking that the lunch hour I spent paying bills, lining at the bank and eating lunch so quickly I burned my tongue already counts as "me-time."

There aren't enough hours in a day when you're a mommy. The baby has to be fed, bathed, changed, entertained, cuddled, put to sleep, talked to, read to and repeat all over again. There will always be bottles to be washed, food to be prepared, groceries to be bought (the bulk of which are baby stuff), clothes to be sorted, nails to be cut, butts to be wiped, ears to be cleaned. Just tonight I had to multi-task by cleaning his ears while nursing him in a side-lying position. Ow, my neck and back.

I really really really love you, baby. But I do miss my "me-time". I do miss having a hour-long massage without you crying in the middle and just when I'm about to doze off. I miss roaming the mall without being side-tracked by bibs and baby food containers. I miss buying dresses which are not nursing dresses. I miss sleeping instead of washing the pump.

Oh, I do miss sleeping the most.

I love you, baby. I'd rather have you and me than just me.

Between Life Stages

A couple of weeks ago, I read all the posts in my old blog that I archived the end of 2011. I was such an industrious blogger then, with posts featuring random photos and random thoughts. 

When I created this blog in 2012, the posts are few and far between. It was like I lost my blogging mojo. But then again, I'm blogging more now, although my posts are more about the pregnancy. I can't help but muse, was my life really that boring between 2011 and up until a few months ago? Well, to be honest, I was a tad depressed about the no-baby situation, and I was afraid that if I blogged, it would be one angsty post after another.

That said, I'm just glad and grateful that happier times are ahead - in real life and for this blog. :)