Forced Weaning

P is currently 30 months old and I've been thinking of weaning him after he turned two years old. He only latches before sleeping and when he's fussy in the car. Every time I tell him he can't latch, he kicks up a fuss so I end up feeding him.

When my operation was scheduled, I once again tried to wean him but I could not bear his crying. Besides, he became extra clingy after my ovarian cyst was discovered, as if he knew that something was wrong. I was not about to push him away then, figuratively speaking.

So we ended up forced weaning cold turkey. I spent 2 nights in the hospital. My sister was the one who slept beside him and she said ge tried to pull up her shirt while half-asleep. Hahaha. When I got home, he tried to come near me for me to carry him and I would show him my bandages. He'd say, "Funny, Mommy." At night, we kept pillows between us especially on my stomach area, and he'd try to cuddle. However, he never specifically asked for "dede mommy".

I guess that's that, we're weaned. Now I have to wean him from the bottle and maybe potty train him.

Getting Ready to Wean from the Breast Pump

I think I am ready to wean myself from the breast pump at sixteen months post-partum. Note that I said "wean" and not "self-wean" because so far, P shows no signs of self-weaning. However, his demand for the boob is not as frequent as before.

I love breastfeeding despite the complications I had. Especially so that when we went abroad for three weeks a couple of weeks ago, direct latch proved to be so convenient and helpful. I usually breastfed P before take-off and he'd be asleep during the actual take-off and usually for the rest of the flight. I breastfed him when he got antsy during the shows at Disney World and Kennedy Space Center. Now at home, I breastfeed him after dinner and he falls asleep.

However, despite taking malunggay tablets, drinking malunggay tea and gorging on oatmeal cookies, my pumping output is beyond pitiful. I pump 3x at the office and I hardly come up with half an ounce. So it really makes no sense for me to lug my heavy pumping paraphernalia of parts and cooler with blue ice all the way to the office for half an ounce, or even lesser, a day.

Lest I get mastitis again, which I've read could still happen, my strategy is to drop a session this week, then another session next week. So I guess I won't be pumping on May 10 henceforth.

As for weaning P from the boob, I think I'll keep offering it if he still wants to. Again, I've noticed that he's not demanding more of it naman, and he falls asleep immediately after a few minutes, so I guess he wants it more for comfort rather than for sustenance.

Wish us luck.

Self-Weaning or Nursing Strike?

Pio latches to me every night to sleep and whenever we are together during the day. He refuses the bottle when I'm the one giving it to him. Last Sunday, I remember trying to feed him before we leave the house but he just bit me. Then throughout that day, he'd latch then bite me. That night, his daddy lulled him to sleep as he kept on biting me.

Monday night was the same, even worse, because he'd refuse to latch. He would pull up my shirt then immediately turn away. He went to sleep without nursing, I recited the two books of his that I had memorized until he fell asleep. I turned to Google, I read that babies don't self-wean earlier than 18 months, and Pio is just turning 14 months this month. It could be a nursing strike daw. But later that night, when he stirred in his sleep, I offered him the boob and he latched and nursed.

Last night was the same. He refused to latch at all and put himself to sleep after tumbling around the bed for an hour. When he stirred, I again offered him the boob and he latched and nursed.

With all the difficulties I've gone through with breastfeeding, you'd think I'd be ecstatic that he's weaning. No more nursing tops and dresses, no more pumping and washing the pump! But I felt sad. We are travelling soon and I plan to nurse him during the plane's ascent and landing as it'd be easier to take out the boob than make a bottle haha. And I'd miss having the power of the boob to soothe him when he's going cray-cray.

This morning though, he nursed while he was awake and he did not bite me. Agh. Baby, you're driving me crazy. :)


UPDATE: IT'S A NURSING STRIKE. Within the week, he just went back to nursing. just like that. haha.


 

Let's Be Pro-Moms, Yes?

While I am mixed-feeding my baby, I think I'm not precluded from sharing my thoughts on breastfeeding on the occasion of Breastfeeding Awareness Month.

As I've posted here quite a few times, my breastfeeding journey has not been easy. In hindsight, I attributed it to my being a first time mom, to not being prepared (because I did not attend any seminars nor read articles), for naively thinking that breastfeeding would be easy peasy, for not trying hard enough to exclusively breastfeed.

Then I read Patty Laurel's own difficulties with breastfeeding. She's also a first time mom. She also underwent surgery on her breast a month post-partum. She mentioned in Instagram that she had mastitis. So while she did not clearly spell it out in her blog, I think she also had a breast abscess, had incision and drainage surgery, and has decided to end breastfeeding.

Then I thought, here is this very lucky girl, with all the resources in the world (she even consulted a lactation nurse), with the most wonderful support group (her handsome hubby, family and fellow celebrity moms) and she still found breastfeeding difficult. Whereas I could not afford the best breast pump and had the worst support system in the world (one side was pushing me to go full time on formula while one side made me feel that if I didn't breastfeed, I'm the worst mother in the world).

Bottomline is, while breastfeeding is best and beautiful, it is not easy. And to quote Patty: "Instead of being PRO-this and ANTI-that, we should just be PRO-MOM, period." Mommy shaming is mommy shaming, no matter what side you are on.

Breastfeeding Update

Due to my breastfeeding problems, I once vowed that I will stop breastfeeding (to be technical about it, we are mixed feeding) (1) at the slightest hint of mastitis or (2) when baby turns six months.

Baby is now six months and one week and I still pump in the office and we direct latch at night and on week-ends. More than its health benefits, I am really after the convenience of breastfeeding - lift the shirt, pop the boob out and voila, any hunger or crying crisis is immediately averted. Sadly though, my supply hasn't increased, I can only pump around 5 oz. through three sessions in the office so that's just one bottle. But that's better than nothing, I believe. I've made peace with the whole washing the pump paraphernalia and lugging a cooler to work brouhaha - just another day in the life.

Baby has developed this sort of funny habit. Although my incision has healed, he refuses to nurse on my previously defective boob so I still breastfeed him on one side. Now when he's hungry, he turns to the side where my good boob is. When I'm already asleep and he wakes up hungry, he turns to me and frantically claws away at my shirt and boob. Even when my back is turned to him haha, so funny.

So I guess my new ultimatums are, I will breastfeed until (1) the slightest hint of mastitis or (2) I encounter a problem like baby biting me or (3) I run out of milk. :)

P.S. Since baby is now six months old, I should start with feeding him solids but I still haven't decided how to go about it. I don't want to start him with Cerelac and the like. Gosh, I'm so OC about these stuff, I even hate myself hehe.

Leaky Boob Update

After posting that my wound hasn't been healing (most viewed post recently, is it because of the word boob?), I looked down one day and saw the wound was drying and closing up. Maybe because I decided to ditch the Steri-Strip and gauze dressing and just use a disposable breast pad to catch the leak during let-down. With the gauze on, the wound remained wet. With the pad absorbing the milk, the wound has become dry and started to heal (why didn't I think of this sooner? More importantly, why didn't my surgeon???) I want to use the pump already but I'm restraining myself because the wound might re-open again. 

I can't believe I'm excited to breastfeed with my other boob. Despite the difficulties I've encountered, breastfeeding really is convenient - no bottles to wash and sterilize and I get to sleep at night while nursing in a side-lying position. Best of all, it's FREE! I still get plugged ducts (like last night, WTH), but there is nothing like seeing the bebe all drunky face on my milk.

For now, I hope I make it to six months. Two months to go!

Breastfeeding with One Boob

Two months after my incision and drainage surgery, I am still breastfeeding with one boob. See, my incision was made right on the areola. It's not a big wound and it healed quickly but when I tried to pump so I won't get engorged, the wound expanded that it no longer looks like an incision.

We showed it to the surgeon who said that I had to stop breastfeeding. As this was not an option, we just packed the wound with gauze and I still pumped. 

As the wound was not getting smaller, and using the pump aggravated it, I resorted to hand expressing. One time though while expressing in the office, milk suddenly spurted out of the wound through the gauze dressing like a geyser. We sought another surgeon, this time, a breast surgeon. I thought she was going to say that the wound needs to be stitched up. But no, she said that might cause another infection.

Valentine's Day 2015

So how was your Valentine's Day?

Mine was spent in Medical City for surgery, specifically incision and drainage for my mastitis. Yes, my plugged ducts developed into full-blown mastitis. Sigh. I chose to be sedated so one minute I felt the doctors cleaning my left breast, the next minute I was in the Recovery area.

So I am on house arrest this week. Last Monday and yesterday, we went to the surgeon so he can clean the wound and change the dressing. He also taught hubby to do the cleaning and dressing which we did earlier. I am also pumping milk despite the wound because plugged ducts recur. Again, I never thought breastfeeding can hurt this much. 😞

P.S. For someone who was never hospitalized prior to giving birth, my trips to the hospital are rising ha. Sana tumigil na. 😞 gusto ko check-up check-up lang, please.

On Breastfeeding

Who here thinks that breastfeeding is supposed to be easy? *RAISES BOTH HANDS*

Yes, I thought breastfeeding was going to be easy breezy. How hard could it be to plug your wee babe to your boob?

How mightily mistaken was I. The first three weeks with baby P was okay. He'd wake up to feed every 2 to 3 hours. I slept when he slept. My complaint then was not getting enough sleep, among other household concerns. 

Suddenly, he was feeding every hour on the hour. He'd detach himself from my boob and be all asleep but when I'd  lay him down in the crib, he'd wail as if he was hungry and not feeding in the first place. So I'd feed him again. And again. For a few days, we'd be nursing for five hours straight.

They say you're supposed to nurse a baby equally from both breasts. For some reason, my left breast started hurting. It got engorged that it really really hurt when my baby nursed on it. I bore the pain for a week until I got a fever and chills. I was rushed to the ER where they diagnosed me with mastitis. I was given antibiotics for 2 weeks. Then, we started giving baby formula to add to my breast milk.

I also started expressing milk. I'd get 1-2 ounces from my good breast and a few drops from my left breast. So frustrating. The first few times I fed my baby formula because he was still hungry and I was already drained, I felt like a failure.

Two weeks passed and my left breast was still one hardened mess. We went to a pedia who's a lactation expert and she said I didn't have mastitis, only plugged ducts. I had to put warm compress, breastfeed, pump and take another week of antibiotics. She also prescribed lecithin to thin out my milk or something.

At the moment, I am on my second to the last day of antibiotics. My left boob is still all plugged up and I only get a few drops when I express from it. Thank God my right one is still okay. I lug around a small cooler and manual pump on the LRT to work so I could express twice in the office. Did I mention that I just moved to a new office so I am still adjusting?

Now my life can be summarized as: work, pump, breastfeed, wash and sterilize all pumping paraphernalia (manual and electric), breastfeed, try to sleep while baby is sleeping, and repeat.

Don't get me wrong, I want to give my child my breast milk. Heck, I'd even donate all my excess milk. But I never imagined it could physically hurt this much. Sigh. I hope my defective boob gets well soon. :(